Sample Professional Resume for an Administrative Assistant -
Critique
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Resume Critique
Dear Therese ~
As you requested, I used Design #6 for your resume and slanted
it towards employment in the Administrative / Clerical / Secretarial
field.
In your email, you describe yourself as a hard worker; therefore
I wrote that you are "diligent," adding that you are also detail-oriented
(a must for any administrative support position).
To ensure that you would be able to use this resume in a wide
range of industries, while also emphasizing your healthcare experience,
I wrote ".Administrative Assistant knowledgeable of all office
functions, with a solid background in the healthcare field."
That covers all bases. The use of the title "Administrative Assistant," rather
than "Clerical Worker" or "Secretary," was also deliberate, as
Administrative Assistants earn far more than either of the other
categories.
In your email I noticed that you wrote "Virginia Healthcare," for
both your jobs. Even though your last position was different than
your first position, the employer is the same, therefore I listed
the name only once (combining your years there as 1995-Present),
then listed your job duties followed by the dates of that employment.
In this section, I also began each bullet point with the strongest
action verb possible, while also revising text for clarity, conciseness,
and maximum impact.
For example, in the information you submitted for this writing
order, you wrote:
"Maintains and manages a new tracking system that was implemented
to better organize the distribution of referrals to and from various
medical Clinics. This improved quality and efficiency of patient
care. Resolved a major problem of lapsed time for patients to be
treated. I identified the problem and took preventive action, with
permission of my managers, using my own intuition and creativity."
I revised and condensed that to read:
"Maintained new referral tracking system that improved patient
care; identified and resolved problem of delays in patient treatment."
The sentence is now better organized and to the point, much like
your work with NY Harbor.
In another example, you wrote:
"Maintains effective oral and written communication by engaging
in conferences with PM&RS staff to keep them informed of the
status of patients and distributes printouts from the computer.
By starting this team meeting with the clerical staff it help mend
the communication problem between therapist / doctors and clerical
staff. It opened the door to increase friendliness between staff
members."
I revised that to read:
"Facilitated communication between clerical staff and PM & RS
by initiating conferences and providing hard data on patient status."
Again, the sentence is now well organized and showcases your leadership
capabilities ("Facilitated communication between.by initiating
conferences.")
Next, is your education section - here I did write "Expected 2003" for
your BA in Behavioral Sciences.
In the Clinical Affiliations section, I listed your information
in reverse chronological order. This maintains continuity with
the rest of the resume that is also presented in that manner.
Because you're applying for an administrative support position,
I did not include your certification in CPR as it adds little to
your other qualifications. I also excluded your volunteer work
due to space considerations and relevancy. Again, it adds little
to your qualifications for an administrative support position.
All decisions to modify or exclude data were in keeping with the
guidelines and standards set forth by the Professional Association
of Resume Writers (PARW).
With this resume, you now have a powerful tool that's well organized
and filled with pertinent data, while also being aesthetically
pleasing.
It was a pleasure serving you, Therese. Best of luck in all your
future endeavors.
ResumeEdge Editor
Certified Professional Resume Writer (CPRW)
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