Sample Student Resume for Graduate School Admission (Finance)
- Critique
Brought to you by ResumeEdge — the premier resume writing and editing service on the Web.
About this Sample Resume Critique
In this sample resume critique, the certified professional resume writer at
ResumeEdge explains
the process of creating the client's "after" resume from the client's "before" resume.
So that you may easily compare them to judge the quality of
ResumeEdge's work,
both the "before" and "after"
sample resumes are linked below. They are also linked from the Sample
Resumes page.
Sample Resume Critique
Dear Janice,
As requested in your email, I used Design 1 for your resume, gearing
it towards graduate school application for an M.S. in Mathematical
Finance.
I began your resume by centering and bolding your name increasing
the font size so that it would stand out from the rest of the text.
For your address, I used the one listed on your old resume as the
address in your email was spelled differently. I then placed your
most important contact information (phone number and email) flush
left and flush right, respectively, so that an admissions director
could easily locate this data.
In the body of the resume for your Qualifications Summary, I described
you as an industrious (diligent), bilingual Banking Professional,
then stated that you're seeking entrance into a graduate program
for an M.S. in Mathematical Finance.
Next, I wrote of your accomplished background that includes, ".ranking
first in Japan Exchange Bank's Money Management Specialist Exam
with subsequent appointment to Junior Money Management Specialist,
passing the CFA Level II Exam, obtaining Registered Fund Manager
status, and leading the Mathematics Education Department female
students at Japan International University."
It's important to put your accomplishments up front. Admissions
directors are busy and generally won't read an entire resume if
the Qualifications Summary doesn't attract their interest. In this
case, the admissions director knows instantly that you're an achiever
and that you are committed to higher education as evidenced by
the exams you took.
Next, I wrote of your linguistic capabilities in Japanese and
English, then your computer skills.
In the Professional Experience section, I enlarged the name of
your employer - Japan Exchange Bank - then listed your jobs. Here,
I also began each bullet point with the strongest action verb possible
while also revising text for clarity, conciseness, and maximum
impact.
For example, you wrote:
"Monitor whether traders' deals conform to all applicable laws,
rules, and regulations."
(then you wrote in your email) "Co-responsible
for fund operations and monitoring funds, composed of stock, bond,
and other securities worth about US8 billion dollars."
I revised that to read:
"Ensure legal compliance of trader deals for funds worth US$8
billion."
By using the word "legal," I eliminated the redundancy inherent
in "laws, rules, and regulations," since they all mean basically
the same thing. Too, by adding the $8billion figure, I have created
interest in this task.
In another example, you wrote:
".monitoring and researching market trends for improved risk-adjusted
performance."
I revised that to read:
".improved risk-adjusted performance by monitoring and researching
market trends."
Admissions directors want to know what you did ("improved
risk-adjusted performance"), then how you did it ("by monitoring
and researching market trends.").
In several instances I changed the positioning of the bullets,
putting the more important activity first.
I ended your resume with the Education section. Here, I listed
your Bachelor of Science first. This is standard in the industry.
No matter when your degree date, it is still listed first because
it is the most important of your academic credentials. Any other
training, including your course for the Registered Fund Manager
Exam, is listed after the degree.
The only item I excluded on the resume was that you were a member
and accounting secretary for the SNU Shooting Club. Space considerations
were one reason - to include it would have caused the resume to
run to two pages when admissions director far prefer, and at times
insist upon, a one-page resume. Too, this membership isn't critical
to your stated goal of entrance into a graduate program.
All decisions to modify or exclude data were in keeping with the
guidelines and standards set forth by the Professional Association
of Resume Writers (PARW). With this resume you now have a powerful
tool that's well organized and filled with pertinent data, while
also being aesthetically pleasing.
It was a pleasure serving you, Janice. Best of luck in all your
future endeavors.
ResumeEdge Editor
Certified Professional Resume Writer (CPRW)
Let
ResumeEdge give
your resume and cover letter an edge!
|
